Proper motivation

I've done a fierce amount of shopping the last 2 days and most of the items on my yellow post-it have a line running through it; the official sign that I have purchased you.

I put together a packing list last month extensively because Onebag.com recommended it and he is my guru. I've been pleasantly surprised about easy I have found keeping on top of it. There is always that nagging feeling I am missing something big. I am just way too.... calm.

I am, in 6 days, setting off on the biggest most challenging experience of my life by far and I'm just not feeling it. Whenever anyone asks me how I am feeling, my stock reply is to say ambivalent, while this isn't the best word to use as it makes it seem like I don't care when I very much do, it does suggest I don't fully appreciate the gravity of what I am undertaking.

Am I just putting out of my head the tough questions? Do I fully appreciate the upheaval my life will, soon, undergo. Have I encased myself in a protective bubble that Bangkok will prick?

I really have no idea and that is something I am not ambivalent about.

The Deal

I am quite pissed off right now. I bought a camera on eBay a fortnight ago. It was a pretty good deal…perhaps too good. Despite repeated mails to the seller he has not replied and not given me any reason to believe he is going to send the item. So I opened a dispute in PayPal’s resolution centre today about it. I have never had to this before so I am not very au fait with how it all works. It seems PayPal will contact the seller and eventually make a decision by October 30^th which does me a fat lot of good. I am in a really awkward spot now: do I wait and hope he comes through and potentially own no camera when I depart or do I just go and buy a camera and risk owning 2 cameras. I think it’s likely too late to buy online which means I have the pay an Irish premium for a new model. I hadn’t used eBay until I started preparing for this trip so I’m not best impressed. I have no idea if I will even get back my money?

Does anyone know the likelihood of me winning the dispute?

So it begins

I soon begin what I have been telling my friends and family is a RTW trip; truthfully though, I have no idea whether my travels will justify that rather lofty title. To say my itinerary is somewhat fluid is like saying Ireland is somewhat broke. My formal plan is as follows arrive in Bangkok on the 20^th of October, get the airport coach from Suvarnabhumi airport to the NapPark Hostel where I have booked for 2 days and from there my travel story has yet to be written. This is a purposeful decision on my part after extensive reading from those who undertook such a trip before me. I have never undertaken a trip of this nature; in fact I have never gone on any type of backpacking trip. All I can do is trust the word of my travel forebearers and be ready and willing to embrace the unknown. A light itinerary provides flexibility and freedom and when I think about it, the fundamental idea makes sense; when am I best able to plan where to go and how long to go for, in my bedroom on a dreary night with a Lonely Planet Guide or on the road where I can feel, touch and smell the surroundings, while living with people who have been there done that. I know some people like to tightly plan each day of their whole trip but, frankly, I don’t trust my judgment all that much.

I am writing this journal primarily to keep a permanent record of the mistakes I will make, the adventures I shall have, and the places I visit. To the reader I promise 1 thing and 1 thing only, honesty. Whatever I do, whether it is embarrassing, courageous, morally questionable, invigorating, disgusting or life changing, I have no interest in offering a filtered account of my travels as I don’t want to lie to myself. I would love this to be the most amazing experience, hell I expect it to be but if it isn’t then so be it. There will no post hoc justification to make myself feel better about undertaking this. Just the truth, at least my perspective of it